Train Wrecks, “Done-It-All” Girls & Drama Queens

As a grown, forty-something woman, there are three types of women that completely confound me. In my Elf world, they don’t fit comfortably and the space they attempt to occupy is more than I am willing to give. To put it mildly, they exhaust me.
The first of these is the woman whose life resembles a train wreck. Don’t get me wrong; we all have times in our lives when things fall to pieces. But these women seem to live in a world where their seemingly endless poor choices find them in positions that make Desperate Housewives or As the World Turns seem normal. You know these girls: Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan and the like. They seem to have it all together and then out of nowhere: BAM!!! they hit you with a dose of utter craziness. (Interjection: I distinctly remember a time in my own life when a dose of self-inflicted “craziness” was partially to blame for a truckload of poor decisions that turned my life upside down. I am speaking of people who actually LIVE in such a place). With said interjection out-of-the-way, I happen to be acquainted with a few people on the peripheral of my life who just make wrong turn after wrong turn and then wail on you about how confused they are as to how they got to this station in life. Seriously? You got to this station in life because you keep picking the train marked “WRECK”, that’s how. Those of us watching this wreck, have repeatedly given directions on how to get on board the “SAFE” train, but to no avail. I have stopped trying. It is exhausting and it occupies more head space than I am willing to sacrifice. I have since found myself avoiding these people like the plague. I haven’t answered their calls and I avoid all eye contact in public places where possible. God forbid if they find me alone. I will relive their train wrecked lives all over again. Simply can’t do it.

Another equally disturbing woman my age is the “Done-It-All” girl. Yeah, you know them as well. In a group setting, someone remarks about their Great Aunt Louise’s bout with Gout and suddenly this girl chimes in that she knows exactly what gout is like because she thought she was suffering from the same ailment but it turned out to be something different. Oh my Heavens!!! I have heard of these said women who have experienced everything but to the tenth degree better (or worse, depending on the experience) as everyone else. It is exhausting. These women might make me a convert to thinking that reincarnation is a real possibility because no one life could produce that much experience, both good or bad. I have come to conclude that such women just suffer from low self-esteem. If I say I have done it all, then people will like me better. No, people are rolling their eyes at you when you are not looking.

The last group of women who exhaust me are the Drama Queens. According to the Urban Dictionary, a drama queen is a woman (or girl) who blows EVERY single circumstance in their EVERYDAY life way out of proportion. Pardon the terminology, but they are also called Attention Whores. I loathe this group the worst. Drama reminds me of middle school girl behavior. I have nightmares about that time in my life. More specifically about a girl named “Heidi” who used to make my life a living episode of Hades in grades 6 and 7. She would decide who our little group of girls would be friends with that day and who would be outcast. Honest to God, I’m not kidding. Everything with this girl was out of the production of a Broadway musical: loud, over the top, and bigger than life so as to receive the most sympathy, accolades and applause.  She is still like this today. I suppose what confuses me the most, is why anyone would want their everyday, real life to be full of such stress and conflict. Lord, I am seeking peace, solitude and as much simplicity as my complex individual self can possibly muster. It confounds me. What make me sad is that the majority of these people will wake up and find themselves utterly alone one day. Their support system will have moved on because they were sucked completely dry and no longer had the energy (or interest) to continue to be friends with these people.

In a light-hearted manner, I am trying to shed light on a problem that is so destructive to relationships and friendships. I blame some of this on reality TV shows who highlight over the top lives and conflicts that would make me lay in the floor and give up. I don’t think we are called to live like this; it doesn’t seem productive, healthy or fun. Life is too short for me.

Live well.

 

Life Interrupted

If you are a friend of mine, it is pretty safe to say that if something we talk about is a thought-provoking discussion, it will more than likely end up in my blog. If that thought has never occurred to you… well, consider yourself warned.

Other than my children, I get an immense amount of pleasure from my small circle of friends. This group of about 10 people is of a mixed variety and they range in ages from about 33 to 58. Three of them are males; conversations with them are entertaining, to say the least. We have all experienced our share of love, heartache, marriage, divorce, death, job losses, job changes, victories, defeats, illnesses, and then some of us have had children. My life flows in and out of theirs, while many of these people have never met any of the others.

Two of these precious people have had the proverbial rug yanked from beneath them. Their lives have virtually stopped. They are simply frozen on their life’s path trying to make sense of what has happened; seeking answers to questions that just aren’t there; wanting a redo, but knowing in their hearts that that prospect is probably not feasible.

As their friend, I have grieved with them in this process. Their tears have mingled with mine and I have secretly held on to some anger at the offenders in their lives. I haven’t been really good at offering them advice in their particular circumstances. They are dealing with tough marital issues. My advice is biased and offers no real solution except to run and not look back. Easier said than done in both cases.

However, I do know a little about having your life interrupted. It happens to all of us at one point or another. We would all like to think that we have mapped out the perfect plan for our lives. We make a list of things we want to accomplish and places we want to visit. We look for that perfect person and we dream of a house in a fine community to raise our 2.3 kids who will gleefully chase our 1.6 dogs in the backyard. We will live comfortably and retire at the beach. We will travel back to our hometowns for big family celebrations. But, those plans (life) are suddenly and without warning, interrupted.

We work hard for the degree but can’t find the right job.(Interruption) We lose our “perfect” job to a down-turned economy. (Interruption) Our parents grow old, become sick, and need to be cared for.(Interruption) Our parents die. (Interruption) The perfect spouse comes home one day to say they no longer love you or they never did at all.(Interruption) A child becomes addicted to substance abuse.(Interruption) We find a lump in our breast. (Interruption). Our retirement is lost due to unexpected circumstances (Interruption).

Interruption. Interruption. Interruption.

The list can go on and on. It is simply a fact of life. The catch is in how we react to these interruptions. I admit that our first reaction is shock, bewilderment and even a sense of loss as to how such interruptions should be handled. That is natural. The ice gets thin, though, when we stand in the same place and don’t move forward.

Moving forward is the hardest part. This ultimately means that the path you have been walking is no longer moving in the direction you had hoped for; it has taken a detour. I have stood at a crossroads in my life and wondered whatever I was to do. I stood for what seemed like forever; unsure, scared and not trusting myself enough to make the best decision. But move forward, I did. It was indeed as scary as I had imagined. I often was walking alone. I had no clear idea of where my new path was going to take me; but, I kept moving my feet anyway.

It was in that process of letting go that I found myself and life again. During this time, I let go of the notion that I was in control of every aspect of my life. That is one of the terrible illusions of this life and a big part of maturity. We can plan for life, but we don’t always see what hides on the side of our path. I had to learn to accept myself and my mistakes and offer up forgiveness to me and those around me. I had to re-acquaint myself with me. I learned to go at it alone; even though in my heart, I really didn’t want to.

After about a year, I re-emerged. I have chosen a different path to walk, for now. It doesn’t look like anything I would have imagined for myself. I suspect it will have many detours and pit stops along the way. I will embrace those moments as opportunities for refinement and to gain perspective. I will admit to being scared from time to time; but I will walk forward anyway. I have friends who walk parts of my path with me, and I walk parts of theirs with them. There are parts we all must walk alone. I know that they will be waiting for me when I emerge from those sections just like I will wait patiently for them to emerge as well.

For my two friends, I offer up this sentiment. Walk. Move forward. Those who have chosen to fall away from your path may re-emerge one day. But if they don’t, then they were never meant to walk beside you in the first place. Don’t hang out waiting – life is too short. Get busy living. Today is the only today you have. Spend it wisely.

Live well……

Life Interrupted

If you are a friend of mine, it is pretty safe to say that if something we talk about is a thought-provoking discussion, it will more than likely end up in my blog. If that thought has never occurred to you… well, consider yourself warned.

Other than my children, I get an immense amount of pleasure from my small circle of friends. This group of about 10 people is of a mixed variety and they range in ages from about 33 to 58. Three of them are males; conversations with them are entertaining, to say the least. We have all experienced our share of love, heartache, marriage, divorce, death, job losses, job changes, victories, defeats, illnesses, and then some of us have had children. My life flows in and out of theirs, while many of these people have never met any of the others.

Two of these precious people have had the proverbial rug yanked from beneath them. Their lives have virtually stopped. They are simply frozen on their life’s path trying to make sense of what has happened; seeking answers to questions that just aren’t there; wanting a redo, but knowing in their hearts that that prospect is probably not feasible.

As their friend, I have grieved with them in this process. Their tears have mingled with mine and I have secretly held on to some anger at the offenders in their lives. I haven’t been really good at offering them advice in their particular circumstances. They are dealing with tough marital issues. My advice is biased and offers no real solution except to run and not look back. Easier said than done in both cases.

However, I do know a little about having your life interrupted. It happens to all of us at one point or another. We would all like to think that we have mapped out the perfect plan for our lives. We make a list of things we want to accomplish and places we want to visit. We look for that perfect person and we dream of a house in a fine community to raise our 2.3 kids who will gleefully chase our 1.6 dogs in the backyard. We will live comfortably and retire at the beach. We will travel back to our hometowns for big family celebrations. But, those plans (life) are suddenly and without warning, interrupted.

We work hard for the degree but can’t find the right job.(Interruption) We lose our “perfect” job to a down-turned economy. (Interruption) Our parents grow old, become sick, and need to be cared for.(Interruption) Our parents die. (Interruption) The perfect spouse comes home one day to say they no longer love you or they never did at all.(Interruption) A child becomes addicted to substance abuse.(Interruption) We find a lump in our breast. (Interruption). Our retirement is lost due to unexpected circumstances (Interruption).

Interruption. Interruption. Interruption.

The list can go on and on. It is simply a fact of life. The catch is in how we react to these interruptions. I admit that our first reaction is shock, bewilderment and even a sense of loss as to how such interruptions should be handled. That is natural. The ice gets thin, though, when we stand in the same place and don’t move forward.

Moving forward is the hardest part. This ultimately means that the path you have been walking is no longer moving in the direction you had hoped for; it has taken a detour. I have stood at a crossroads in my life and wondered whatever I was to do. I stood for what seemed like forever; unsure, scared and not trusting myself enough to make the best decision. But move forward, I did. It was indeed as scary as I had imagined. I often was walking alone. I had no clear idea of where my new path was going to take me; but, I kept moving my feet anyway.

It was in that process of letting go that I found myself and life again. During this time, I let go of the notion that I was in control of every aspect of my life. That is one of the terrible illusions of this life and a big part of maturity. We can plan for life, but we don’t always see what hides on the side of our path. I had to learn to accept myself and my mistakes and offer up forgiveness to me and those around me. I had to re-acquaint myself with me. I learned to go at it alone; even though in my heart, I really didn’t want to.

After about a year, I re-emerged. I have chosen a different path to walk, for now. It doesn’t look like anything I would have imagined for myself. I suspect it will have many detours and pit stops along the way. I will embrace those moments as opportunities for refinement and to gain perspective. I will admit to being scared from time to time; but I will walk forward anyway. I have friends who walk parts of my path with me, and I walk parts of theirs with them. There are parts we all must walk alone. I know that they will be waiting for me when I emerge from those sections just like I will wait patiently for them to emerge as well.

For my two friends, I offer up this sentiment. Walk. Move forward. Those who have chosen to fall away from your path may re-emerge one day. But if they don’t, then they were never meant to walk beside you in the first place. Don’t hang out waiting – life is too short. Get busy living. Today is the only today you have. Spend it wisely.

Live well……