The Well-Examined Life

The greatest explorer on this earth never takes voyages as long as those of the
man who descends to the depth of his heart.  ~Julien Green

Those of my readers who know me personally, are acquainted with the fact that I analyze, evaluate, and oftentimes overthink many aspects of life. I have a strong desire to understand myself, others, and the world around me. I have often asked myself why this is so. I suppose I want to understand myself in order to be the best possible person that I can; to leave this world a little brighter than before I came along. I want to understand others better in order to help them to realize their full potential; and in the case of those who hurt me, to navigate around them in order to better protect myself. I want to understand this world that God created; maybe to understand Him all the more.

However, as I get older, I realize that all the questions my mind can generate often lead to more questions and rarely do they produce the answers that I am looking for. I suppose that with age comes the wisdom that sometimes the questions yield a greater understanding for people and things than the answers.

Recently, my little elves and I traveled through the mountains of North Carolina on our way to do what we call, “Waterfall Discovery”. As we were driving, I was enjoying the view of the mountains – how the trees were just beginnng to change into their autumn dressings for that short dance before winter swoops to cut in. I began to reflect on how our lives are like the seasons in nature. I glanced in the rearview mirror at my girls and thought of their life like springtime – young, fresh, innocent, and energetic. Their young lives hold the hope of all that is good in the world. I caught a glimpse of myself as I returned my attention to the winding road before me. What season was I in? Where did I fit on the continuum of this cycle of life?

This is a question that has stayed with me for quite a while now; but it was this moment that brought it all back into focus for me. I suppose it really is not important for me to assign a season to my life, as much as it is for me to honestly examine the life I am living. Self-examination and reflection are extremely important in order for us to truly grow as individuals. However, honesty is the element that must be present when examining life. I have always believed in the importance of honesty – to oneself and to others. For me personally, I have not always lived by this principle in that I played the roles that I felt everyone expected me to play. That led to many years of frustration. I realized one day, several years ago, that life was too short to be anything other than who I was made to be.

So, as I move from late summer into the season of my life called early fall, I surmise the following:

1. The only obstacle to living the life I want to live is – me. The sky used to be my limit, but now I see the sky as my point of view. Remember this reader – this is YOUR life’s journey; not someone else’s. Living it any other way is to live a cheap imitation of someone else’s life. My journey doesn’t have to look like any one elses’s; in fact, the road I take doesn’t have to be crowded with the pack of humanity every step of the way. I can walk portions of it alone and that is perfectly acceptable.

2. Having a purpose and passion in life is so important. We humans need a reason to live; not doing so means we are only existing. My passion in life has always been education. I believe that an education is the opportunity that most people need in order to make their lives better. Now, I find myself in a position of educational leadership. My platform is no longer just the children in my classroom. Now I work side by side with another administrator to make an entire school of faculty and students along with a community of families relaize their very best version of themselves. It is a humbling charge, to say the least.

3. Change  is going to happen whether we want it to or are prepared for  it. This past summer was one of the hardest in recent memories. The changes that I faced in my professional and personal life were overwhelming at times. There were moments of explicit joy and a great feeling of accomplishment. Then there were moments of extreme loneliness as I had to weigh the next steps I would take in my life’s journey all alone; no one could make those decisions for me. Not one change or event that I faced this year were things I anticipated; not one.

4. Now more than ever I realize that true beauty is something that radiates from the inside out. True inner beauty is the manifestation of a life well-lived, the confidence to tackle whatever curve ball is thrown your way, and the acceptance that who you are is quite enough. My face is being framed with small lines that are becoming more apparent with each passing year. Yet, I am proud of what they all represent. My mouth is framed with lines that reveal how much I have laughed and smiled during my life. My brow is marked with lines that show times when my thoughtful consideration was necessary to make important decsions. My eyes are framed with lines that show how I refused to let one moment pass me by without taking notice. Botox all of that life experience? No way.

5. Everyone should be their own Knight in Shining Armor. Let me say it another way: happiness is our responsibility, not someone else’s. Depending on another fallible human being to make you happy is a responsibility and burden that will only end in disappointment when they fail to live up to that expectation.

6. One’s own self-worth should demand nothing short of exceptional treatment from anyone who wishes to be in your company. I have failed myself over and over in this area of my life; mostly because I refused to set boundaries that honored my self-worth. As a result, I allowed people to have a piece of my life who didn’t deserve to truly be there. This lack of self-worth also resulted in me using others as an emotional scratching post to get what I felt I needed in order to feel good about who I was. The last few years have yielded a very different viewpoint of myself and what I expect. If you want time in my life, there is no room for users, losers, and abusers. I bring a lot to the table. If you don’t, then game over.

7. Deciding to walk just left of the middle can be exciting and full of more adventure than one ever imagined. It is the idea of taking the road less traveled than those around you; daring to do what others won’t/can’t; seeing life in a paradigm that often is outside the box. Being left of the middle has taken me to places I never dreamed and opened my world to people I would have otherwise never met.

8. Don’t EVER apologize for who you are. Be an original. That needs no further explanation.

9. Fairy tales can teach us more about life than we ever imagined. I’m not talking about those stories where the maiden in distress meets her forever Prince Charming. I’m talking about those stories where the enemy is a dragon, evil queen or a hideous monster. What can these stories teach us about life? Well, all of those evils are real, but they can all be vanquished and the “happily ever after” is not so far out of reach as we once thought.

10. Never, EVER give up.

As I look back over this list, I realize that I could have saved you, dear reader, a lot of time by simply summing all that I have reflected on into one simple sentence.

At the end of my life, I want to know with confidence that my life was lived with great depth; not necessarily great breadth. Quality should always win out.

Live well and with great quality.