How BIG is Your God?

(Special thanks to Tom and Sherry for permission to honor God through their family. Love you guys….)

I wonder if you, Reader, have ever thought to ask yourself that question. It never occurred to me. For my friends Tom and Sherry, it was asked and answered for them when their 23 year old son, Jette, died unexpectedly last week. Upon hearing the news, I remember laying my head on my desk at work and just weeping; my mind reeling with questions, my heart breaking for my friends. See, this family is so dear to me and my girls. Tom and Sherry are Grace and Anna’s god parents. The girls. Oh, the girls. How would I make them understand? The questions I knew they would ask. Their hearts would be broken – they loved their Jette. Everyone did. I can say that Jette’s earthly life was a testimony to his love for Christ. Tom and Sherry’s response to Jette’s death is a testimony to the “BIGNESS of our God.”

I spoke with Tom and Sherry briefly before the service last Saturday. My sweet friends. What possible condolences could I offer them at this time? It was Sherry’s proclamation that ministered to me the most. As we embraced, she whispered in my ear, “Kelli isn’t our God such a BIG God? He’s so BIG! I never would have thought. You’ve been through this with your Mom. You know how big he is – remember? I know something good will come from this.”

As I withdrew from her embrace, the conviction of her words was right there in her eyes. Yes, I do know how big God is; not in dealing with the loss of a child, but after losing my Mom and stepdad and then going through a difficult divorce. I have been covered in His bigness.

The Bigness of my God didn’t mean there would be no tears in my life – I have cried plenty.

The Bigness of my God didn’t mean that every question was answered – they weren’t and at times I wasn’t sure what questions to ask.

The Bigness of my God didn’t mean I wouldn’t despair at times – because I did.

But the Bigness of God should remind us that while our hearts may be sad at our earthly losses, or the questions of why things happen go unanswered – He is still there. He is waiting in our sadness, our loneliness, our anger, our despair. He is not offended by our questions. He doesn’t tire at our tears. He meets us right where we are in that moment. He is Big enough to be right there and remind us that in His love, He has a plan. That plan is bigger than anything we are brave enough to imagine. While we can’t see the whole spectrum of what He knows, we are assured that our lives, our work, and all that we can accomplish, play a part in the perfection of that plan.

Tom and Sherry have the assurance that even though their hearts break at the earthly loss they have surrendered, Jette’s life and death is part of something BIGGER than anything any of us may ever see. Our only call is to have faith to believe and trust in who He is…

Romans 8:28 says: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His Purpose.”

For Grace and Anna, their hearts were broken, not because Jette was gone; but because they didn’t have a chance to say good-bye. Perhaps that is a good thing….good-byes seem so permanent. Anna said it best the other night.

“Mom, just think of all the people waiting for us in Heaven: Jesus, Ganny, Pa, Great-grandma Ruth, Grandpa….and, my Jette. It’s nice to know he will be there. I can’t wait to see him again.”

“Me too, Anna. Me too.”

For my two girls who are trying hard to understand death and dying, God brought them comfort from their assurance in Heaven and all the promises He makes. Yes, Sherry, I remember how BIG my God is and I too believe He makes everything work for good.

Live well and wallow in God’s BIGNESS!!

Quirks – We All Have Them

I guess we all have quirks and fears that motivate or paralyze us to some degree or another. I have a couple of my own. I have rarely spoken publicly about them; but then again, I think our “story” (life experiences) shape who we are and how we react to events in our life. For some, this post will add another piece in the puzzle that makes up who I am.

1. As an only child, I always grew up with the knowledge that I would do a lot of journeying through this world on my own. To be honest, it can get lonely. When my stepfather died unexpectedly 5 years ago, one of his sisters seemed so calm and at peace through the days that followed. She and I were talking one evening and I remarked about how much I would miss Mac. She smiled sweetly and said, “I have my two brothers and two sisters with me. Each time I see them or hug them, my brother, Mac, is never far. See, he lives in each of them.” I don’t have that. When I started a family, I knew right away that I wanted to have more than one child. I didn’t want a child of mine to bear any burden alone. My girls have each other; and while they don’t understand or appreciate one another now, they will at least always have a piece of their father, myself and their older siblings after we are gone.
2. Losing my mother to cancer at such a young age, sunk home the fact that life is so very short. She didn’t appear sick to any of us. I noticed only subtle things: weight gain around her waist, a waning appetite, a cough that she could never quite shake, and seeming more tired than usual. Imagine our shock to learn she had advanced ovarian cancer and would be dead 2 years later. My mother would often try to do so much in those last couple of years; I guess trying to squeeze as much from the marrow of life as she possible could. My stepfather and I would often admonish her for this. She would stand up very straight and say quite sternly, “Life is for the living. I need to do all I can while I can. Now, get out of my way.”  Sometimes, life just can’t wait. I am often criticized for my travels; so be it. At the end of my journey, the length will not have mattered; the breadth and depth will be what counts for me.
3. Five years following my mother’s death came another blow to our family. It was late October. My stepfather and I were talking one Tuesday evening on the phone. We were making final preparations for our family Halloween party at his place in North Carolina. I was trying to get my two toddlers settled in for the night while talking to Mac. He was double-checking the list of errands to run and things to take care of before we arrived on Friday. His voice seemed weak to me. I asked him what was wrong and he remarked that he was just so tired and he was going to bed as soon as we got off the phone. It was only about 8 pm. I shrugged it off as too much to get done in such a short amount of time; but he seemed so excited all the same. I didn’t hear from him the next 2 nights. I tried not to worry about that; he was busy, I was busy. There was so much to be done by Friday evening. When my family and I pulled out of the driveway on Friday morning, I remarked to my husband that Mac had not called. He ALWAYS called on the mornings we were traveling in; he wanted to know our ETA. As the three-hour drive wore on, my anxiety increased. My attempts to reach him at home or on the cell phone were in vain. When we reached his home, we discovered he was dead. It appeared as though he probably died that last night I spoke with him. I was devastated. After Mom died, I promised that man he would not die alone. He did. I guess I have never gotten over that. I don’t want to die alone. I know….I have zero control over that. Just sayin’….
4. As if you can’t tell, I am a communicator. Being female is a contributing factor to this; however, I come from a line of strong women who have the gift of “gab”. I tend to make it a habit of checking in with about four people in my life on a daily basis. We may not have full-blown conversations, but there is some contact, nonetheless. If that pattern of behavior is deviated from for more than a day or so, I am quick to check in to make sure everything is ok. These people do the same for me as well if they fail to hear from me. I suppose there are times when my fear of the worst will overtake any sense of reason that I may have; and if that happens, well, I will go to whatever lengths necessary to make sure you are not lying in a pool of your own blood. I just want to avoid going through what I did with Mac. I always wonder, if I would have been more persistent in checking on him after our call on Tuesday, then perhaps he would not have laid in his house dead and alone for so long. I understand that it wouldn’t have changed the outcome, but my nightmares about him may not be so haunting, even today.

 

So, I have quirks. These quirks in behavior or thought patterns are shaped by some event in my life that has had a profound (and sometimes, negative) impact on me. We are all shaped by our life’s experiences. Let’s be understanding of those and exercise a bit of patience with ourselves and others.

 

Live well.