Learning to Surf

A dear person in my inner circle reminds me on a fairly regular basis that the river of our life will take us exactly where we are supposed to be – always.

That sounds great unless you are a person like me who prefers well-planned, charted experiences where the outcomes have a high probability of turning out in your favor.

To know me personally is to know that I like order. Chaos causes panic within me. Surprises are derailments in my daily “to do” list. I like clear beginnings, middles, and endings to all things in life. When reading a fictional piece of literature, I will often read the very last page in a novel just to prepare myself for the outcomes the characters will face at the end. Ambiguity makes me insane. I like clear, concise expectations and boundaries. In this way, I can chart my approach to a situation and know with some sort of reasonableness what will happen.

Crazy, I know.

An even crazier thought is that my current career position requires of me an amazing amount of flexibility and quick decision-making. I thought I would have a hard time with such a work environment and yet I found it to be a pleasant change.
Every afternoon before leaving my office, I write down a list of items that need to be accomplished for the next day. This helps me to have a focus and purpose. However, I can’t always predict how my days are going to unfold. When my plan fails to match the reality of the office, I quickly tackle interference issues and then reprioritize. There were several days this year when my “to do” list fell hostage to the piles of paperwork that crept up. I am getting better at saying “Oh well”. In fact, I would say this has been a huge area of growth for me.

There are still times when I struggle with the possibility of a change that is unplanned. I get scared from time to time when things are left hanging in the balance and I must play the “what if” waiting game.

But, my dear friend, who rides along the river of life, is teaching me the power and freedom of just letting go and going with the flow. I prefer the ocean; so, I have challenged myself to ride the life as if on the sea. Therefore….

1. The ocean is wide and vast making it difficult to know what lies beyond that far-reaching horizon. We cannot possibly see “what lies beyond” the horizon. The horizon is the focal point for traveling from one destination to the next. We know where we are now…we perceive where we wish to go….but we must prepare for the sea of change that lies in-between. We can guess, at best. Instead, I am learning to hope.

2. There is an undercurrent that will take us where we are meant to go, even if the course we have charted looks very different. I have always had a specific set of goals and things I wished to accomplish in my life. I have been fortunate to see many of the seeds I have planted grow and are now bearing fruit. What I am still learning, is to accept that my life is part of a grander production; therefore, I must learn to yield my course in order to fulfill something better. This is the most difficult for me to grasp and one that I struggle to understand.

3. We must learn to accept the ebbs and flows with a spirit of grace and humbleness. Life is not always about smooth sailing. Storms will come up very suddenly, out of nowhere, and leave our life’s vessel tossed about. At other times, we see the storm clearly ahead of us and we are able to plan a course of action. Then there are moments in time filled with the bliss of calm seas that quietly take us closer and closer to that far-reaching horizon. However the waters are for sailing through our life, our attitude will speak an entire ministry to others who are watching. Trust me, they are always watching.

4. The waves are coming – why not learn to surf? One of my life’s goals is to learn to surf. I need not be accomplished, I just want to feel the thrill (or what I imagine to be the thrill) of gliding on top of such a powerful force – even if I get up once for a few brief seconds. I imagine from the top of a wave you have the privilege of seeing a little bit more of the bigger picture.

Ultimately, surfing is learning to ride in tandem with whatever life wave we find ourselves on. The beauty is also in learning how to break upon the shore with that wave and not be broken by it.

Someday I will learn to surf. Today, I’m polishing up my board.

Hang ten and live well, Reader.

A New Year and Two Revelations

“And now we welcome the new year, full of things that have never been”
― Rainer Maria Rilke

“The chief beauty about time
is that you cannot waste it in advance.
The next year, the next day, the next hour are lying ready for you,
as perfect, as unspoiled,
as if you had never wasted or misapplied
a single moment in all your life.
You can turn over a new leaf every hour
if you choose.”
― Arnold Bennett

“This is a new year. A new beginning. And things will change.”
― Taylor Swift

The ushering in of a new year has rarely been celebrated by me; at least in the more “traditional” way. When the ball drops on Times Square, I am usually in my bed fast asleep; you won’t see me donning a new party dress, or scrambling to find a mouth upon which to lay my most delicate kiss at the stroke of midnight.

Endings and beginnings are always a time of reflection for me. I believe it is important to “take stock” in my life – a time to learn, grow, and then move forward. Moving forward to your best self is necessary but can only happen after we do some honest inventory. Taking an inventory has never been much of a problem for me, it has always been the honest part. By honest, I mean seeing things for what they truly are and not what I wanted them to be.

So my recent musings and reflections have produced two revolutionary thoughts to sum up 2012. Are you ready, reader?

1. Things change.
2. Life goes on.

Bet you weren’t expecting that now, huh? Ok. Ok. I’m being a tad sarcastic and I apologize. In all honesty, that’s really it in a nutshell.

Things/people/circumstances will change whether we want them to/expect them to or not. I have changed. It wasn’t anything I had necessarily planned on, but it happened. My experiences have broken open, my knowledge has been used and stretched, my paradigm has shifted, my responsibilities have increased, and my own self worth has increased as I have really taken the time to get to know myself through my eyes, not through anyone else’s.
My realm of influence has shifted beyond my classroom walls to stretch forth and include so many more. This change has left me vulnerable, emotionally/mentally spent, and yet fulfilled in ways I never thought possible.
My landscape has shifted. People have moved in and out of my circle. Those that have left have touched my life forever and will live on in the quiet memories of our time together. Those who have entered, bring their own gifts of friendship to me and I am excited at how their influence will add to the colors of my life.
The people around me have changed as well. My daughters are growing into these beautiful little ladies with their own outlook on life, dreams, and accomplishments. They are reflecting themselves out into the world and are looking to find their own place in it.

My own little world has been changed in a variety of ways. Some of those changes I was willing to usher in with excitement and a sense of wonder/adventure; others left me without any solid footing – angry and confused.

Realizing that life goes on is, to me, the hardest part to come to grips with amidst great changes, especially those that I had no idea were coming. I admit that those particular areas have been met with great resistance from me. I have gone through the cycle of disbelief, anger, sadness, more anger, trying to accept, back to disbelief….on and on, until you wake one morning to realize that this fighting and resistance has been futile. The calendar pages have flipped, time has moved on and you have chosen to sit on the riverbank of life waiting for the remnants of what you had to come floating by; when it had long since been carried away on life’s current and lost in the sea.
That realization is both sad and freeing all in one. Sad for what is lost, but by letting go, you are free to accept the next great thing that will open your world up beyond anything you could have imagined.

Reader, I wish I could offer more earth shattering revelations about my reflections from 2012. Truth is, it all comes down to those two realizations: things change; and, life goes on. The challenge comes in accepting those two facts and being courageous enough to let go and let life take you where you are meant to travel. Wherever you find yourself today, that is exactly where you are meant to be. God is working through your life’s circumstances to make you into the best version of yourself possible. Trust His plan, His timing, and that whatever happens, it always works out for the best. Always. Life’s great adventure isn’t waiting for you down the road. Life’s great adventure is found right here, right now, in this very moment. Are you living it? Because if you aren’t, you will wake up one day to find that things have changed, and life has gone on. Don’t be left behind. Go with it.

Live well….now and in this new year to come.