2013 – Your Best Year Yet

People approach the ending of one year and the beginning of another in many different ways. One thing that most of us do is reflect and then make adjustments (resolutions, if you will) for the coming year.

Over the last couple of years, I have rejected the notion of a resolution list or even the idea of making a “blanket” life goal for a new year. Instead, I have employed just one line of thinking that I will carry from last year over into this new year.

Live your best life.

I have written about this many, many times; but, this is the only shot you get. I have long since given up on perfection as the world views it. I have long since stopped living as my friends and family see fit. Instead, I’m living my life.
This means there will be days when I “get it right”. I will make mistakes on other days. Some days I will be the model of strength and grace. There may be other times when I’m vulnerable, insecure, and weak. Sometimes I will think of others before myself. Then I will turn around and do something selfishly just for me. I will handle particular circumstances with the patience of Job. The very next day, I may want things done NOW! I will walk through some days with a heart full of gratitude for what God has blessed me with. Then there will be other days when I will sprint from morning til night and fall into my bed without one grateful thought.

The point is this: I think resolutions are great, if you can maintain that way of living. I, for one, embrace the fact that I am human. I embrace all that comes with it, as well. For me, each turn of the calendar year is a time of reflection. I like to do a “Year in Review” where I can see what I have accomplished and areas that I failed to live my best life. I like to take the time to thank individuals in my life who have chosen to walk this journey with me. I like to also thank those who have left my life (by their choosing or my own), for they have brought their own value to my journey – both good and bad.

Overall, 2012 was an incredible year of change, risks, and adventures for me. I am in awe of all that I have experienced.
I don’t know what 2013 holds for me. In the deepest recesses of my heart, I have tucked away a few hopes and desires. I have set a few professional and financial goals for myself. Mostly, my hands and arms are open to all the possibilities that will be brought my way.

But for those things I can control, I say this:
My best life yet will include active, authentic participation by me in the lives of my little elves, my family, my friends, and my profession. It will include more awareness of this present moment. My life will always be dictated by my love for myself and those around me. My best life will be one of gratitude to God for all that my senses allow me to experience and share with others. My best life will always continue to be MINE!!

May you embrace 2013 as YOUR year yet.

Live well…and live your best life.

Choosing Happiness

Have you really thought about happiness? I believe that happiness is a choice that we make – we choose it. This isn’t some “Polly Anna” way of living nor does it ignore the fact that life is tough, people will hurt you, and you don’t always get what you want. This way of living is the ability to look through those circumstances and be happy with all those blessings you do have. Let me pose a couple of questions to you. Dig deep, I mean to the core of your soul deep, and answer honestly.

1. If you could wave a magic wand and create the life of your dreams (don’t think in terms of winning the lottery here, imagine yourself happy) what would that look like?

2. (Most important question) What are you willing to do/give up in order to make that life possible?

That first question is one that I’m sure many of us could answer. The second question puts the teeth into that dream, doesn’t it?

I posed this question to a friend of mine lately as we discussed things she was struggling with in her own life. It is like she observed: we want those things, but most people don’t know how or are not willing to do what it takes to make it happen. We are waiting for our Fairy Godmother to come along.

Uh-huh. Not me. Life is too short for me to wait for my best life to begin…sometimes you have to make it happen. For the most part, I have reached a place of contentment and happiness in my life. It is by no means perfect; nor should anyone think that happiness equates itself to perfectionism. But, I’m happy with where I find myself on my life’s journey today. It wasn’t easy getting here and I wallowed in muck for years; but I always believed that my life could look and feel different. The test came in finding the courage to make it happen. Being happy at this station of my life doesn’t mean that my best life has been fully realized either. I have much more I wish to accomplish and create. That list resides in a special notebook that I keep. Along with that list an item analysis of what I will need to do in order to make those things happen. Some are feasible now; others will have to wait. The point is, I am constantly working toward my best life – that magic wand scenario I posed in question one. I know what many of you must be thinking: that all sounds great, but what if those things never come to pass, will you still be happy? Yes, I hope I will always choose to be happy in whatever station of life I find myself.

So….my happiness list.
1. I have a goal that in 10-12 years, I will live on the coast. My place won’t be very big, room for one and a guest from time to time. Come visit but don’t stay too long. Just kidding.
2. My children will be on their own path to their best life. I try not to have any preconceived notions about what that will look like for them. I want them to fulfill their life’s calling and find happiness in whatever they choose to do.
3. I have professional goals that will remain to myself. The field of education is my arena to make a positive impact and I have goals to do just that.
4. I have a personal goal as an author. This part of my best life is the one that looms over me. It will require an amount of time that I currently don’t have just yet.
5. Continue to travel and mark the following places off of my bucket list: Costa Rica, Roatan, Hondura; Machu Piccu; Mt. Kilimanjaro; Greece, Greek Isles and Turkey; and India.
6. There are certain things I want to learn or do: learn how to surf, learn how to snowboard, ski in the Andes Mountains and the Italian Alps, speak another language (probably Spanish) with more fluency than how to order food in a restaurant.

Nothing on my happiness list includes an enormous pot of money, fame, big house, etc. Instead, my list includes those things which will continue to allow me to grow in all facets of my being, help others realize their best life professionally, and set my little elves on their own path in life.
I realize that in making these things happen, I will ultimately make choices that will not fall in line with those around me. While I appreciate everyone’s opinion and input, this is MY life. I refuse to live someone else’s watered down version of it. This is a painful part of living your best life – knowing that other people will not always approve. When I decided to leave my marriage, the disapproval rating was overwhelming at times. I have chosen to love people that others disapproved of; so much so that I have lost my relationships with several family members and friends. I hated losing the approval and connection with those people; but I would have also regretted, far greater, in missing out on the opportunity to love. I mean – really, really love another human being. The opportunity to walk (albeit briefly) a portion of your life’s journey with someone who accepts and loves you for who you are and nothing more – well, that is priceless. Some love stories fill volumes of pages in your life. Others are short stories, but their impact can be life-changing and sustainable for a long, long time.
At the end of my life, I know I will give an account of every wrongdoing, bad choice, and hurt that my actions have inflicted on others. I have asked for forgiveness for those things. I believe Him when He said they are cast as far as the east is from the west. I also hope that on that day, God will smile favorably on me for the simple fact that He chose to give me life and I lived a life of abundance through Him. I want the scars, the lines on my face, the softness of my heart, my countenance to all be evidence of choosing happiness.
Have you lived this God-given life to its fullest? Have you honored Him by pushing beyond the norm and choosing happiness? I can think of no greater way to honor Him, than by living – really living.
Live well, Reader, and choose happiness.

The Naivety Of Happiness?

I just caught the last 15 minutes of a movie called “Leap Year“.  I don’t need to go back and rent it for it seems the very essence of its message was captured in those few minutes I saw.

The gist: Girl travels to Ireland. Girls meets Irishman. Girl spends a week with Irishman and they obviously fall in love. Girl has a committed beau back in the US that she returns home to after her visit. Girl wonders if she made a mistake.

Fast forward to where I come in on the movie. The girl is in an upper Manhattan townhouse at a party that she and her beau are hosting. On an impulse, she pulls the fire alarm. The guests scramble for the exit and she stands in the doorway and watches as her beau collects all of his “valuables.” She is completely ignored.

The said girl travels back to Ireland where she confesses her love to the Irishman she left behind. Now, don’t get me wrong; sweet plot but I am not here to talk about the love stuff. It is her speech to the Irishman that hit me out of nowhere.

“When my 60 seconds came around, I realized I had everything I ever wanted… but nothing I really needed.”

A girlfriend and I were having lunch a while back and she was recounting a conversation with a friend about happiness. Is it really possible for adults to achieve happiness?

Well, absolutely!

IF, you make people your focus and not things.

Things are nice to have. They make life easier and in some respects, they offer the outside world a glimpse into our social status (if that sort of thing is important to you). But in the end, the things you have acquired won’t give your eulogy or transport themselves into eternity. The things will be squabbled over,  willed away for someone else to find room in their house for,  or will be auctioned for strangers to have.

What will remain are the people whose lives you have interacted with, had influence over, or loved and inspired. That is the best way to achieve happiness – invest in people and their experiences.

Perhaps it is naive to think that happiness can be achieved as an adult. So be it. On the contrary, I would hate to live my life thinking that the best of my years were at a time when I knew nothing about really living at all. I know a thing or two about living, I want to grow old surrounded by the people in my life who make me laugh, smile, feel loved, and who will tell my story long after I’m gone. A house full of things remains silent unless you fill it with people you love.

Live well (oh, and be happy).